It’s commonly known that I like to rock the party, but one way you know that for sure is that I waited until the BEST POSSIBLE TIME to go back to school.
And by “best possible time” I mean that magical time of life when I have the most things to keep up with on the least amount of sleep . Mmmmm yeah, girl, these are the sweet, sweet years when “me time” is getting 5 minutes to take a pee without a small child there, demanding to sit on my lap, hug me, or see my penis.
So maybe choosing to finally get a college degree at the same time as procreating makes me seem mentally ill, but guess what? It turns out that going to school in my 30s is actually kind-of incredible….and I’m about to tell you why. (Who likes to rock the party? I like to rock the party.)
1. 30s Corinne is Crazy Focused
I don’t mean to be a bitch to late teens/early 20s Corinne (she has my props for getting over her Pocahontas phase), but her brain was a jumbled mess of bad choices and mocha frappuccino residue. I think the only things that girl knew for sure was that she loved Jesus and wanted to spend the rest of her life talking to Australians.
Now that I’ve had the chance to indulge my Australian accents fantasies, things seem much clearer upstairs and I can get to the important stuff, like what I want to be when I grow up.
2. 30s Corinne is Overwhelmingly Grateful for the Chance to Go to School
School happens to be a part of my dream life (along with riding a unicorn and learning to Riverdance), but thanks to being about 10-13 years older than the average college student, plus all the jobs and the kids, finding time for school is quite the challenge.
Which means six out of seven nights a week I put the kids to bed, then hit the laptop . (On the seventh night, my brain takes a bath in Hulu.)
But what makes me willing to give up immediately zoning out after the kids go to bed is that college was never part of the future I expected for myself. It’s one of those things in life that you’re not sure about but turns out to be super amazing – like before you have kids and you see parents in the supermarket yelling at their offspring about how they CANNOT HAVE A COOKIE SO STOP ASKING and you think daaaaang I’m glad I don’t have kids. But then you do and you’re like – oh. This is WAY better than it looks in the supermarket.
Yeah. Going to school is kind-of like that. Surprisingly amazing.
3. 30s Corinne Harnesses the Power of School to Work Household Appliances
When I got married, my sister generously bought Ryan and I a totally kick-ass espresso machine. I tried to use it several times, but just couldn’t manage it – and the machine has like TWO BUTTONS. This is exactly what it looks like:
I became the owner of this complicated piece of machinery in 2007, and over the next few years I periodically tried to work it, but something always seemed terribly wrong. Every time I gave it another go, it would make all sorts of spooky noises and I’d get scared. At which point I’d lose my dignity and put it back in the cupboard.
So one night, I was pounding out some seriously terrible algebraic equations while holding a teeny tiny Baby Ham. It was around 9pm and I was tired cause Baby Ham liked to eat a lot during the night. And even though most of my brain cells had tucked themselves in for the night I was totally making point-slope form my bitch and suddenly I thought –
IF I CAN DO THIS, WHY CAN’T I WORK MY ESPRESSO MACHINE?
Then, the next day, I pulled it out of the cupboard again, gave it a rinse, and BEHOLD. Two delicious shots of espresso, poured over ice. And I’ve saved like a million dollars since then. BAM.
And also, I finally figured out what algebra is good for. Y = mx+b is basically just the algebraic equation for “drink this delicious espresso beverage, Corinne.”
So there you have it. Why going to school at this age is awesome, and also why I cry while watching TV shows in which fictional characters achieve their fictional dreams.