A Beginning Blogger’s Crisis

I am about to be both honest and super lame: I think I’m having a beginner’s blogging crisis.

Mmmm a little dramatic, possibly. But see, I place an enormous amount of pressure on myself. Between school, work, baby care, toddler care, wife-ing, cleaning toilets…I have a living room floor that is trying to make a wig out of my hair, so there’s always vacuuming to do. If there was a Miss Productive U.S.A. contest, I’d probably win, unless there was a swim suit competition where stretch marks and weird extra tummy flab weren’t considered assets.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like my head is spinning all day long like that poor girl in the Exorcist with the bad skin. Or I guess like an owl, if you want a reference involving less vomit and much slower spinning.

The problem basically comes down to the fact that I feel like every post should be like epically hilarious.  But in reality, 90-95% of the time I’m actually not funny and/or nothing funny is going on. Like one thing I do a lot is load the dishwasher. So maybe I could write something like, “Isn’t it hilarious when the bottom rack looks full, but then you find space for one more plate? OMG! So funny! This happened to me today, and I HAD to blog about it!!!”

HAHAHAHAAAAAA! sooooooo hilarious, right?

See what I mean? Terrible.

Just to step to the side for a moment, when I’m pregnant, I’m funny as little as 1% of the time. This is not counting the times I’m funny on accident, like when I had a weeping meltdown at Ryan because I felt like I had over-consumed lunchmeat. Or when he ate literally a tablespoon of cream cheese and I got angry and wailed, “If you eat all the cream cheese, then WHAT’S THE POINT?!” (I was pretty much always jonesing for a bagel and cream cheese, and the thought of being out of cream cheese immediately threw me into panic mode).

Most of my days consist of things like making peanut butter sandwiches, putting Baby Ham down for a nap, taking chicken out of the freezer, refusing to pick up my husband’s clothes off the floor, doing dishes, folding laundry, telling B.T. he can’t play Wolverine on Baby Ham, some boring stuff, more boring stuff, and after that I do something boring. See what I mean, playas? Or are you guys playa hatahs? I don’t want any subculture to feel left out of this conversation.

It would be awesome if my self-imposed pressure inspired me, like it probably does Olympic athletes or Oprah. Instead, I freeze, feel really guilty, and go into my Corinne-cave, which basically means watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and refusing to have conversations with other people.

My point is that I love writing this blog. It may not look great yet or be everything I’ve been dreaming of (yes, I have dreamt of blogging). It’s sad and frankly really uncool to think of blogging reduced to just another item on my to-do list instead of something fun. After all, I sometimes blog when I could be sleeping or watching HGTV. If that doesn’t say “I love doing this” nothing does, my friends!

In conclusion (because this is actually a term paper in disguise), I must write this blog for me. The way I feel about this is very similar to that scene on Center Stage when Zoe Saldana stops dancing for them, and starts dancing for herself.  Not that I have watched Center Stage enough to remember specific dialog.

This means I will write about my adventures as a mother even if I’m worried someone might find them mundane – like when B.T. put his arm around Baby Ham and said, “I love our baby.”

Also, I will continue to photograph people’s hideous front yards even if I’m worried that one of the trashy people might come out and kick my ass (I’ll just tell them I’m from the government. I’m sure that will clear everything up).

plenty more where this came from!

Or I will write about how I sometimes have to creatively multi-task when I’m home alone with B.T. and Baby Ham, even if most people find the information useless to the point of being offensive.

booster seat on the floor, in front of the bathroom = feeding baby whilst b.t. takes a bath. yee-haw! now we’re cooking up some motherhood magic!

Or maybe I want to talk about how my husband and I took over/started our own window washing business a few months ago, even if some people find the topic of window cleanliness distasteful.

quiz: what’s hotter than a man making something clean? (answer: nothing)

And if everyone besides me and my mom finds me boring and inane, I think can live with that. I will just write this blog entirely for my mom because she loves me and generally thinks I’m awesome at life.

my mom: rocking four kids and perm.

So…what do you want me to write about, Mom?

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5 thoughts on “A Beginning Blogger’s Crisis

  1. Okay. first I remember when you(or maybe it was Ryan) told me about your cream cheese meltdown. I guess I’ve had my share of meltdowns, so that didn’t seem unreasonable to me. I know how you love your bagels and cream cheese, even for a late night snack. I seriously don’t think your brother Carl has gone a day without bagels and cram cheese. I can see you dreaming about blogging. I may have dreamt myself that one day you would blog, which is the same thing as writing for the enjoyment of others. Now, about the pictures. I love how you always include pictures in your blog, because it ties everything together, and it helps us all to imagine what it would be like to be there, and just adds to the whole small town ambiance, if there is such a word. I have to say, that words cannot describe how much I love that picture of Brayton hugging his little brother Liam. When I saw that, I was laughing so hard, and so excited and delighted as well to see them with their faces smooched together. It almost made me cry too, and I would of if I wasn’t laughing and loving them so much. Also, loved the picture of Brayron in the tub, while Liam is just chillin in his high chair seat. You are such a clever mama, and such a multi tasker. I look forward to your blogs, as you know, and each and every tiny detail with much enthusiasm. No detail is too trivial or too small. I try to imagine being there, and just being a part of of your life every day. And, you have that exactly right, you are a totally awesome daughter and everything you do is awesome, including this blog. I will give it some thought as to some ideas for blogging, but I fear that any good ideas I’ve had in the past are slowly or maybe quickly fading away. Oh yea, thanks for the lovely picture of me with my crazy permed hair. The only thing worse was my crazy short “Annie” hair. You kids look so cute in all your Easter clothes. Remember how your Dad would hide all the Easter eggs you kids dyed in the backyard, until one by one you felt you were too old to find them, so youhelped your Dad hide them, until only Carl was left, and he never got a chance to hide them, because who was going to look for them..If I could be that young again, I wouldn’t even mind wearing that hideous dress. So, another good blog, my dear. God, I love that picture of my grandsons hugging.. Later. Love, Mom

  2. I have probably said out loud to my self “If you eat all the cream cheese, then WHAT’S THE POINT?!” ….like 12 times so far. I picture what your face must have looked like at the time. In my picture of you, is always saliva leaving your mouth, a completly pained and contorted face, and usually a partially eaten bagel. I like the quote so much, because no matter how many times I say it…I can never really grasp the meaning of these words. The point of what?…the point of buying the cream cheese?… the point of owning bagels? …the point of Ryan eating health foods all day only to ruin it with finishing off a tub cream cheese?
    Even though you are just going to write this blog for your mom; can I still read it? I would also love it sometime in the future…if you ever go to “Make Your Own Toyally Kick Ass Pasta Wednesdays” at the Geiser Grand Hotel….. if you could take a picture of the meal before or during consumption. I am not requesting a picture of it after consumption, at this time. Maybe I can even tell you what I would like in my pasta.
    Sometimes Candice and I talk about that Pasta… I hope we can eat some with you again someday!

    • Yes, you may still read this blog. But maybe it would be nice if you’d just like let my mom know you’re about to read it or something. …. Part of why Ryan still brings up my cream cheese meltdown is because the “WHAT’S THE POINT?!” part didn’t really make sense. And I’m not even sure what I meant, nor did I know what I meant at the time. I think the closest sentiment was something like “what’s the point of even living?” …. I promise that next time Ryan and I go to pasta night I will take a “before” picture for you. Maybe I will include it in a blog, if you’re really lucky, and you’re a good Dan P. and don’t eat all the cream cheese.

  3. Honestly, in that god-awful photo from our youth I look like someone just took a giant dump in my cereal. If I ate cereal at that time in my life, which I did not.

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