Yo, neighbor. That was totally wack.

That little 90s slice of heaven in the title  is a pun.

I admit that we are kind-of terrible about taking care of our yard. We rent, so sometimes it’s hard to feel a sense of ownership to the point that we want to get out our shovel and be like, “Hey yard. We dig you.” Hahaha, get it? Wow, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Anyway, here’s just one tasty sliver of our super embarrassing yard:

Mmmmm yes. So good. Weeds. Rocks. Weeds growing in between rocks. An old wooden planter with a 35° angled plastic tub inside, better to hold another part of our thoughtfully curated weeds collection.

This brings me to my nice old man neighbor. (Not Mr. Bacon, the man who goes topless except for suspenders in the summer.) This old man neighbor and his wife have an extremely well-kept yard, which is basically like a nature wonderland, complete with frolicking squirrels.

My yard is probably the squirrel equivalent of getting told you’re going to Disneyland then ending up at like Monty’s World of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches instead. Which is not a real place, but it sounds kinda trashy and definitely much worse than Disneyland. Take note of this stylish vignette:

i alone have unlocked the secret to stylish outdoor decorating!

So today I roll up in my sweet Chevy and basically catch my neighbor red-handed (or more like “weed-wack handed”) trying to sneak in some weed wacking while we were gone. When he saw me pull up, he was wearing both noise-dampening headphones and a sheepish expression. He explained himself like this:

“I did the whole alley, and I ran out of things to weed wack.”

That’s right. He had to weed-wack our yard simply because he was out of weeds in his perfect yard (that probably didn’t have any weeds anyway). Then he ran out of weeds and simply found that unacceptable. So after going up and down the alley that happily joins our homes, he was jonesing so badly for more weeds that he was willing to wack another man’s yard. (Ummm…that’s what she said.)

He actually seemed embarrassed that he was caught doing secret yard work for me. But, really, I was the one who was embarrassed. Because did I mention that our Christmas tree is still sitting out there? I actually cringed while typing that.  Take a look-see:

keeping the holidays alive! – but not the tree.

Yep, that dead mound of stringy nature has been chillin’ right there for the last 5.75 months. Missing in this image are the 2-foot tall weeds that used to keep him warm on cold nights. What will he do without his company?

When my husband arrived home from work and I filled him in on the afternoon’s events, he promptly made his way outside to dispose of the tree (a chore which took less than ten minutes, if you need a better picture of the laziness of the situation).

Anyone else ever been subject to a neighbor’s covert yard work? Are we the only ones who sometimes wait six months to dispose of our Christmas tree?


4 thoughts on “Yo, neighbor. That was totally wack.

  1. OMG, Corinne. I cannot believe that Christmas tree is still there. Well WAS still there. Clearly you have the same love for yard work as I do. And, you certainly didn’t take after your Dad who could grow anything, and had a passion for his roses. I don’t think I saw that man last July when I was there. Next time I’m there I’ll have to shake his hand. Very amusing blog today. I laughed alot. Keep up the good work. Mom

  2. I would think that Suspender Man would be doing himself a disservice by beautifying your yard. For one thing, his yard’s beauty won’t stand out as much now…now that your weeds are cut. More importantly, his old people friends won’t want to come over as often because their main conversation starter that is on the other side of the adjoining alley is not nearly as eyecatching.
    I can see that blogging has already had a positive impact on your life (Christmas Tree removal). Maybe blogging will somehow get you to Medium Town America….?

    • Dan P., you make several excellent points. I think all I truly want out of this life is to live in Medium Town America. Maybe I can ride my unicorn there every once in awhile to visit.

  3. Pingback: My Summer of Cryptomagnificence | Trapped Nowhere

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